Angelina Jolie in the new Beowulf movie

The trailer for the new Beowulf movie is out, and the producers are leading off with the most titillating scene they could come up with: a sultry CGI-enhanced Angelina Jolie, rising from a shimmering pool and murmuring seductive offers to the hero Beowulf.

Angelina Jolie seems to have developed a tail and a very pleasant mostly-Danish accent that sounds exactly like Mrs. Olsen in the old Folger’s coffee commercials. Alas, in the original poem Grendel’s mother (aka ‘Grendel’s dam’) was not a hot ticket but a repulsive monster whom Beowulf dispatched directly. But it’s always fun to rewrite your sources to draw a new audience. Hot dam!